I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
