I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I need to calm my uterus...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
