hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
