you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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