The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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