i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
