the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
