you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
