Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
