I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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