Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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