I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
