Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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