whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
