The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
