Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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