dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
