I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
