I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I am available for nakedness
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
