I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Sorry about my life...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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