Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
