I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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