you guys were way drunker than both of me
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Girls should come with a carfax report
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
