I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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