i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
