Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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