listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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