Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
