Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
