I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
