Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
