Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
