Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
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