Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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