I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
