Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Of course I have a pirate flag
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
