two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I think people are normalizing furries
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
