i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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