"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
