there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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