It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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