So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
