Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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