we're blogging at a bar
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
