you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
