I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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