my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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