did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
