Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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