We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
