Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
