Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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