thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
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So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
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What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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