a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
the raccoons are back...
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