She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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