Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
