can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
