I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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