my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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