I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
