Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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