Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
