smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
