I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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