Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
