im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
