you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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