so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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