it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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