My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
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He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
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in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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