You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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