I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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