dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
