Four minutes until I can fart!
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
