Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
