R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
