I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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