Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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