I want to walk on stilts...naked
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
