Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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