you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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