So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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