If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
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Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
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So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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