can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I have post one night stand depression
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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