Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
