So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize