Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
