There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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