is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
