We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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