my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
