I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
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when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
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i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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